I had so much fun putting together my first creepiest, most unsettling Pokemon PokeDex entries article that I’ve decided to bring it back for another installment — this time, as it applies to the Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex entries.
Fair warning: Some of these Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex entries could be potentially upsetting, so if you need eye bleach or something equally comforting please refer to my recent Most Wholesome, Heartwarming PokeDex Entries of All Time piece, which features adorable Pikachu greetings, Igglybuff crooning and Goodra hugs.
With that being said, enjoy these unnerving Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex entries — if you dare.
Coalossal
Coalossal is a massive, dinosaur-looking, obsidian-black Rock/Fire Pokemon with a red-hot coal stack atop its back. Its fearsome appearance, bulk, type combination and Gmax form have made it one of the new Generation VIII Pokemon I’ve taken a liking to most, but it’s not for the aforementioned reasons that I find Coalossal so intimidating. I have Coalossal’s Pokemon Sword PokeDex entry to thank for that.
> It’s usually peaceful, but the vandalism of mines enrages it. Offenders will be incinerated with flames that reach 2,700 degrees Fahrenheit.
Even though you aren’t quite Ghetsis-levels of evil for vandalizing a mine, it’s still a pretty Garbodor thing to do. For this article’s sake, however, let’s say vandalizing a mine puts you in a similar echelon of scumbaggery as individuals who have knowingly defaced national parks or taken garish selfies at war memorials.
Do the people who commit such blunders deserve to be incinerated on the spot by the 2,700 Fahrenheit hellfire that Coalossal is able to emit from the red-hot ember stacks on its back like heretics under the medieval inquisition?
Coalossal seems to think so. And although I can’t say I agree with its judge, jury and executioner-style methods one hundred percent, I’ll bet the mines in the Pokemon universe are far more pristine than the ones in real life thanks to Coalossal’s spartanic sense of justice.
Cramorant
Cramorant is a Water/Flying bird Pokemon introduced in Pokemon Sword and Shield with blue plumage, bright green eyes and as the derivation of its name suggests — a combination of the words “cram” and “cormorant” — an insatiable appetite. Notice how that patch of light-grey feathers underneath its neck looks exactly like a bib?
That’s because Cramorant likes to eat. And as you’ll soon find out, pretty much anything is on the menu for this gluttonous “Gulp Pokemon.” Fish, for instance. Like Arrokuda, the pre-evolved form of Barraskewda. Per the Pokemon Shield PokeDex entry:
> This hungry Pokémon swallows Arrokuda whole. Occasionally, it makes a mistake and tries to swallow a Pokémon other than its preferred prey.
As the last line of that entry informs us, Cramorant makes mistakes — something we’re all prone to doing on occasion. It’s the reaction Cramorant has to making his mistake however which shifts it from the realm of “Oops, my bad” to “How could you be so heartless?” (Note: If you’re a Pikachu fan, please turn back now.)
> This Cramorant has accidentally gotten a Pikachu lodged in its gullet. Cramorant is choking a little, but it isn’t really bothered.
That’s right. Cramorant gulps down Pikachus and doesn’t give a —-.
Keep in mind that Cramorant is a Water/Flying Pokemon with a 4x weakness to Electric-type attacks. Why would Cramorant be so brazen? Does it like to live life dangerously? Does it give so little in the —– department that it’ll just lodge anything in its gullet just to assert its dominance? Or does it simply eat Pikachu because the Electric-type special abilities of beloved Pokemon icon gives Cormorant a buzz similar to really cheap, really sh**** alcohol? Like the equivalent of you or I chugging a 40 oz. bottle of Steel Reserve malt liquor?
While I can’t say for certain what Cramorant’s logic is, the image of an adorable Pikachu, still alive, being slowly digested by a coastal bird Pokemon is both extremely disheartening and kind of hilarious at the same time. But still frightening, because — what the hell, Cramorant? From fish to Pikachu without a care in the world? You careless glutton.
Drifblim
Drifblim’s Pokemon Shield PokeDex entry:
> It grabs people and Pokémon and carries them off somewhere. Where do they go? Nobody knows.
Here’s an idea: maybe we could try and find out where these body snatching Drifblims are taking their kidnapped victims? Grab a bunch of BoltBeam Pokemon, slap a tracking device on some people who live near the vicinity of Drifblim’s most recent kidnappings and let’s get to the bottom of this unsolved mystery that the authors of the Sword and Shield PokeDex seem content to just shrug their shoulders about — that way we might finally grant the families of these missing persons some much deserved closure.
Drifblim art by Snook-8
Mimikyu
Ghost/Fairy dual-type Mimikyu isn’t much to look at upon first glance. But underneath that shoddy rag resembling a Pikachu Halloween costume from the 1930s lies one of the most terrifying and enigmatic Pokemon in existence.
For starters, no one has seen what Mimikyu really looks like underneath its crayon-scrawled exterior. No one has seen it and lived to tell the tale, that is. Like the scholar that tried to examine Mimikyu in the name of educational research, for instance. Per the Pokemon Sun PokeDex entry for Mimikyu:
> Its actual appearance is unknown. A scholar who saw what was under its rag was overwhelmed by terror and died from the shock.
I’m sure there’s a college campus somewhere in Alola whose library is named after that brave but overly inquisitive educator.
Then again, maybe, just maybe said scholar should have paid a little better attention to the warning signs. Like Mimikyu going Pokes— when you try to remove his rags? From the Pokemon Ultra Sun PokeDex entry:
> Although it’s a quiet, lonely Pokémon, if you try to look at what’s under its rag, it will become agitated and resist violently.
Presumably, the scholar’s death occurred before this similarly tragic fate for an individual who witnessed Mimikyu’s true form:
> A gust of wind revealed what hides under this Pokémon’s rag to a passing Trainer, who went home and died painfully that very night.
Yikes. Remind me if I ever catch a Mimikyu in the future to double-sided tape its Pikachu rags to its body, while averting my eyes the entire time of course, because I’d like to minimize my chances of painfully dying on the chance a Pidgey flaps its wings in my Mimikyu’s general direction.
All in all though, I kind of feel bad for Mimikyu. As far as we know, the painful, Lovecraftian death which people in the Pokemon universe experience upon witnessing the incomprehensible horror that is Mimikyu’s true form probably isn’t even its fault. After all, Mimikyu is wearing a Pikachu rag in an effort to seem less abhorrent, as its Pokemon Moon and Pokemon Sword PokeDex entries confirm.
Pokemon Moon:
> A lonely Pokémon, it conceals its terrifying appearance beneath an old rag so it can get closer to people and other Pokémon.
Pokemon Sword:
> It wears a rag fashioned into a Pikachu costume in an effort to look less scary. Unfortunately, the costume only makes it creepier.
Mimikyu art by White Noise Ghost
At the end of the day, Mimikyu is just a lonely Pokemon whose efforts to form any sort of lasting relationship with people and other Pokemon is hampered by its inability to adequately disguise itself. If scholars are to continue studying Mimikyu in the future maybe a better direction to pursue would be making a better disguise for the Pokemon to make it feel more comfortable. Going this route would almost certainly be more productive than trying to forcefully peer up its rag which Mimikyu, rightfully so, reacts to in an agitated manner. Mimikyu attaches a lot of importance to its disguise, as its Pokemon Moon Busted Form PokeDex entry reveals.
> If its neck is broken or its rag torn during an attack, it works through the night to patch it.
So let’s work with Mimikyu instead of against it. Here’s the conundrum, though: if we can’t conceivably bear witness to Mimikyu’s true form without dying in an excruciating manner, what would be a better costume to make for it than some crudely fashioned Pikachu rags? Pretty much anything, but if we have to narrow it down a little more: Not rags. And something that will more easily hide Mimikyu’s “broken neck.”
But also, how do we get Mimikyu’s original disguise off of it even if we figure out a suitable replacement? Let it go off into a changing room somewhere with the new design and hope for the best?
Yamask
Yamask’s story is a tragic one. Unlike Gengar, who revels in its supernaturalness (by stalking humans and other Pokemon, as I’ll explain a little later), Yamask is one of those tortured ghost Pokemon rife with pathos and suffering.
Yamask’s Pokemon Sword PokeDex entry:
> It wanders through ruins by night, carrying a mask that’s said to have been the face it had when it was still human.
If carrying around your face from a past life doesn’t scream “not ready to be dead yet” I’m not sure what does.
Yamask’s Pokemon Shield PokeDex entry adds an interesting angle to the story.
> The spirit of a person from a bygone age became this Pokémon. It rambles through ruins, searching for someone who knows its face.
Is finding someone who recognizes its face the only way to quell Yamask’s suffering? If so, the descriptor about it being from a “bygone age” doesn’t exactly speak well for its chances of finding someone who might fit that category.
Which makes Yamask’s Pokemon Black and White PokeDex entries all the more tragic.
Yamask’s Pokemon Black entry:
> Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry.
And its Pokemon White entry:
> These Pokémon arose from the spirits of people interred in graves in past ages. Each retains memories of its former life.
So what exactly is the solution here? Keep making random Yamasks stare each other down until they start recognizing each other? Or just have someone pretend that they recognize the face Yamask is holding?
“Oh, damn. It’s a Yamask. Wait a minute… is that Djehutyemhat’s face you’re holding? Djehutyemhat, you ol’ so and so you, why didn’t you say something instead of letting Yamask prop you up and sob hysterically? Get over here, you!”
Morgrem
Morgrem’s Pokemon Shield PokeDex entry:
> With sly cunning, it tries to lure people into the woods. Some believe it to have the power to make crops grow.
Hold up, can we go back to that whole “luring people into the woods” part? Seems like that might be a little more pertinent than some old wives’ tale randomly tacked on to Morgrem’s entry, don’t you think, Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex?
Sizzlipede
> It wraps prey up with its heated body, cooking them in its coils. Once they’re well-done, it will voraciously nibble them down to the last morsel.
Really? Down to the last morsel?
As it turns out, Sizzlipede isn’t actually the creepiest part of its PokeDex entry — it’s the entry’s author, whose Hannibal Lester-level of gusto in describing the consumption of human flesh makes me want to send a not so anonymous tip to the nearest Officer Jenny.
Galarian Moltres
Moltres is the Fire/Flying member of the Legendary Bird trio from the first generation of Pokemon who recently made its return in Pokemon Sword and Shield‘s Crown Tundra DLC expansion; the only thing is, just like its brethren Articuno and Zapdos, Moltres appears in its Galarian form.
And in its Galarian form, Moltres is a whole lot more unsettling, thanks primarily to its Dark/Flying type combination. And it’s highly unsettling new PokeDex entry from Pokemon Sword:
> This Pokemon’s sinister, flame-like aura will consume the spirit of any creature it hits. Victims become burned-out shadows of themselves.
Galarian Moltres’ flames literally eat the soul of any creature they touch. And after the fact, they don’t get to die and be put out of their misery; they have to wander the earth, soulless, burned-out husks of their former selves. Something tells me there’s going to be a support group for Galarian Moltres burn victims in Crown Tundra very soon.
Gengar
A creepy Pokemon Pokedex article isn’t complete without Gengar, arguably the face of Ghost Pokemon since Generation I. Gengar’s spooky-factor stock remained high as ever with its despondent Pokemon Sun PokeDex entry (check out my last installment of creepy PokeDex entries for more on that particular Gengar entry), which revealed that once a Gengar starts following you, there is no escaping it. Ever.
If for some reason you do escape Gengar and make it home? You’re not safe there either.
From Gengar’s Pokemon Ultra Moon PokeDex entry:
> Even your home isn’t safe. Gengar will lurk in whatever dark corner of a room it can find and wait for its chance to catch its prey.
Yes, Gengar sees us as no more than prey, like some phantasmal version of the Predator. It gets scarier, though. Its Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex entries add even more nightmare fuel to the fire, particularly the Gigantamax entries. And also makes it one of the most integral and powerful characters in the Pokemon mythos as well.
Take a look at Gengar’s Pokemon Shield PokeDex entry, which bolsters the Shadow Pokemon’s already considerable list of abilities. What could make flight, the ability to merge seamlessly with shadows of any object, possessing people and other Pokemon and even accessing other dimensions (in its Mega-Gengar form) even more impressive? How about the most insidious act of mimicry the Pokemon world has ever seen?
> It lays traps, hoping to steal the lives of those it catches. If you stand in front of its mouth, you’ll hear your loved ones’ voices calling out to you.
Like Gengar flying after you and hopping from shadow to shadow with its red eyes aglow, grinning like the Cheshire Cat in perpetuum wasn’t terrifying enough, now you have to do your best to ignore the desperate pleas of your loved ones the entire time.
From Pokemon Sword:
> Rumor has it that its gigantic mouth leads not into its body, filled with cursed energy, but instead directly to the afterlife.
So much for the usual worst case scenario of a Pokemon battle being rousing your Nidorino from a state of unconsciousness. Gengar had to go ahead and make matters about life and death — specifically life after death and the great beyond. I’m not even sure how it’s physically possible for Gmax Gengar’s carnival funhouse mouth to lead into the afterlife without having any deleterious effect on its own physiology, but what might be even scarier than the gateway to the afterlife being localized entirety to Gengar’s gaping maw is that this particular PokeDex entry actually confirms the afterlife in Pokemon lore.
Now, I realize there are plenty of ghosts in Pokemon, which would suggest the existence of an afterlife — but Gengar’s Sword and Shield PokeDex entry raises a number of questions nonetheless. Is it the gatekeeper of said afterlife, like some modern day equivalent of Cerberus? Does he allow entrance to the afterlife but prevent anyone from leaving? And does this in some sense make Gengar the arbiter of who should live and die? Thanks, Gengar. Not only are you eerie as all get out — you’re also turning this into a philosophical and existential Pokemon debate.
Which of these creepiest Pokemon Sword and Shield PokeDex entries did you find to be the most unsettling? Did we leave one off the list? Let us know in the comments.
Pingback: The 21 Strongest Pokemon in Pokemon Go | Retbit
Pingback: Pokemon: The weirdest PokeDex entries of all time